#JUST4LAFFS - THE SMART PRESIDENT

A plane was about to crash & there were only 4 parachutes in d plane.

Meanwhile there were 5 pple in it.

The 1st person was Lionel Messi & he said: "I'm d best footballer, I cant die now" So he took 1 parachute & left.

The 2nd who was Aliko Dangote said: I'm d richest man in Africa & I'm too young to die, So he took the 2nd parachute & left.

The 3rd ws President Goodluck Jonathan & he said: "I'm d smartest President in d world so i cant die now, my people still need me; so he took 1 & left.

Then  2 people were left in the plane... Pope John Paul & a little school girl.

The Pope said to d little girl: "take the last one, I will sacrifice my life for you".

The little girl replied no need for that, There are 2 parachutes left.

The Pope asked her: how come ?

The little girl replied: The Nigerian President took my school bag !!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEENAGER IN KATSINA KILLED GAY PARTNER FOR FAILING TO FULFILL HIS PROMISES

A 17-year old boy has been arrested by police in Katsina state for allegedly killing former local government chairman, whom the police suspect was the gay partner of the suspect.

The suspect was arrested for allegedly killing Samaila Magaji, a former Chairman of Ingawa Local Government of the state.

POLICE ARRAIGN MAN FOR RAPING HIS SICK SISTER

A middle aged man, Jacob Jume was yesterday arraigned before a Makurdi Chief Magistrate Court for allegedly raping his sick younger sister (names withheld) who was on admission in a private hospital in Gwer West Local Government Area of the state.

The the 30-year old patient who was receiving treatment at Tersoo clinic in Naka, was allegedly raped by her brother and staff of the clinic, after having injected her with a substance suspected to be a sedative.

MEET THE WEREWOLF FAMILY

Covered head to toe in hair, this newborn baby is the latest addition to the aptly named Werewolf family.

The 22-day-old baby inherited a rare gene carried in her family which leads to a disorder known as Werewolf Syndrome.

ONE CHANCE AND ATM ROBBERY - SHINE YOUR EYES

Read about experiences of people who have been unfortunate victims of One Chance and ATM robbery. 

Learn as much as you can.

EXPLOSION INJURES 2 DURING 2015 CAMPAIGN MEETING OF DELTA'S SPEAKER

Hostilities for the 2015 elections have begun in Delta State as  an explosion rocked the campaign meeting of one of the aspirants leaving 2 people critically injured.

Read after the cut......

THREE KENYA RAPISTS SENTENCED TO CUT GRASS AS PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR CRIME

KENYA is in the news for the wrong reasons AGAIN!!!!!

A gang of rapist were ordered to cut grass after they raped a 16-year-old girl and threw her in the pit for her to die.

Read the report from CNN.

#WHISTLEBLOWER - EDWARD SNOWDEN GETS WEBSITE JOB IN RUSSIA

International Most Wanted WHISTLEBLOWER is in the news again.

Weeks after getting asylum in Russia, Edward Snowden now has a job there, one of his lawyers says.

Snowden, the U.S. national security contractor turned leaker, will start a job Friday with a major Russian website, his attorney Anatoly Kucherena said.

JOURNEY OF DEATH ACROSS THE SAHARA - HOW 92 DIED OF THIRST

Stranded in the unforgiving expanses of Niger's Sahara Desert after their vehicles broke down, scores of people, almost all of them women and children, slowly died of thirst.

The migrants had been trying to reach Algeria, Azaoua Mahaman of the Synergie nongovernmental organization said Thursday. Instead, they died of dehydration, unable to escape the sandy wastes of the Sahel.

DENNIS OKIKE WINS GULDER ULTIMATE SEARCH (GUS10)

Dennis Okike(29), graduate of Electronics Engineering from the University of Nigeria Nsukka, has emerged winner of the 10th edition of the Gulder Ultimate Reality Show.

With the victory, the Abia State native has won N10m and a brand new Mitsubishi Pajero.

LAGOS - 25 SECONDARY SCHOOL STUDENTS IN COMA DUE TO GAS POISONING

About 25 students of Ogba Junior Secondary School, Lagos, yesterday, went into coma after inhaling a chemical waste allegedly discharged into drainage by a company, Bizcircuit Photo Laboratory, located a few metres from the school premises.

According to reports, the gas enveloped the school premises at noon.

BULLET PROOF CARS WERE ACTUALLY PURCHASED BUT NOT FOR ME - STELLA ODUAH

Nigeria's Minister of Aviation, Stella Oduah on Thursday told members of the House of Representatives Committee on Aviation that the alleged purchase of N255million BMW armoured cars were not bought for her personal use.

Oduah who astonished stakeholders with this disclosure at the investigative hearing on the issue in her 12 page presentation said:

OVERZEALOUS NAVAL RATINGS BEATS TEACHER TO A PULP

THE VICTIM - RASHID IBRAHIM

Panic gripped students and civilian employees of the Nigerian Navy Secondary School, Onikolobo, Abeokuta, on Wednesday when six Naval operatives descended on a teacher in the school and beat him to a pulp over a minor disagreement.

The victim, Rashid Ibrahim, who has been teaching Food and Nutrition in the school in the past 13 years, was said to have almost lost his life during the assault.

NIGERIA POLICE FORCE SAYS ACP DIDN'T FONDLE LADY'S B**ST

LIPS SEALED

The Nigeria Police has described the photograph, which showed a senior police officer in the act of fondling the breast of an unknown lady, as fake. It said the picture, which went viral on the Internet, was deliberately fabricated with the aid of Adobe Photoshop technology to mislead the public.

The alleged amorous scene, the police authorities claimed, did not take place and the officer had nothing to do with the woman.

NOV 1 - THE STAGE IS SET FOR BATTLE BETWEEN FG & PHCN WORKERS

THE stage appears set for a major confrontation between the Federal Government and workers of the Power Holding Company of Nigeria, PHCN, tomorrow, over the planned handover of PHCN’s assets to new owners amidst alleged non-payment of severance benefits to workers, among other pending issues.

While the Federal Government, yesterday, insisted that it would go ahead with the planned handover of the assets to new owners despite the threat of a nationwide strike by workers, organised labour on the other hand, directed workers to withdraw their services from any unit should military personnel attempt to forcefully take over PHCN installations from November 1, 2013.

KOLAPO LAWSON STEPS DOWN AS ECOBANK CHAIRMAN UNCEREMONIOUSLY

Ecobank Transnational Incorporated, ETI, yesterday, said its chairman, Mr. Kolapo Lawson, will step aside from the bank with immediate effect, while he is expected to retire from the Board of Directors by December 31, 2013.

This was even as the Securities and Exchange Commission, SEC, said its investigation into the alleged breach of corporate governance in the bank is still ongoing, despite the stepping down of Lawson.

#ODUAHGATE - MORE REVELATIONS EMERGES

IT was another round of startling revelations Wednesday as the House of Representatives Committee on Aviation continued the suspended investigative hearing into an alleged purchase of two armoured BMW cars at N255million by the Minister of Aviation, Princess  Stella Oduah.

Despite the fact that the minister was visibly missing at the hearing, the Nigeria Customs Service, NSC, FirstBank PLc and Coscharis made presentations on their level of involvement in the purchase of the cars.

ROTATE - WANDE COAL

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PULLOVER - KCEE FT WIZKID

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RONALDO AND BALE NETS 3 & 2 RESPECTIVELY IN 10 GOAL THRILLER AT THE BERNABEU

Cristiano Ronaldo provided the perfect riposte to FIFA president Sepp Blatter after scoring a hat-trick as Real Madrid beat Sevilla 7-3 on a night when Gareth Bale grabbed his first goals at the Bernabeu.

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Days after Blatter had made a bizarre impersonation of the Portuguese while saying the star spent "a lot of money at the hairdressers", the 28-year-old scored his third career hat-trick against Sevilla to go top of the scoring charts in Spain with 11 goals.